


And all the right choices we made

by Technomancer28



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Marriage, Romance, Sexual Content, UST, blowjob, teenage angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-27
Updated: 2014-03-27
Packaged: 2018-01-17 05:18:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1375204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Technomancer28/pseuds/Technomancer28
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Even when they made the right choices, they ended up miserable. This is a story of not how hard it was to reconnect, but of how terribly difficult it was to just be and what it meant to love those closest to them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And all the right choices we made

**Author's Note:**

> For the sake of this story, Harry and Teddy are almost the same age, the relationships are mostly canon, but Andromeda and Sirius come from different families. Even though I feel like the descriptions seem a bit much, the story feels incomplete without them. A few OCs were created for supporting role. And finally, thank you so so much,acidbathory for the wonderful beta work.

_~Sometimes when life seems to be going smoothly, it takes one incident, a case of wrong timing for everything to change. This is where things went wrong.~_   


“Dad?”

The _thud_ \- of the school bag dropping on to the floor like a stone resounded in Teddy’s ears as his grip on the strap failed.

He saw them freeze in their compromising position through wide eyes, uncomprehending of the scene in front of him where his father had a hand in his friend’s hair as his head dipped down onto his throat. His father turned around, the shock mirroring in his features and Teddy unwantedly took in their open shirts, the rumpled hair and- _Bloody hell!_ -their undone belts.

“Teddy.” His father whispered in the silent kitchen and Teddy swallowed as his body began functioning again. Remus stepped away from Sirius.

_Sirius_ \--the best friend; _Sirius_ \- who called him _‘Teddy Bear’_ -just to see the hundreds of interesting expressions; _Sirius_ \- who had promised to gift him a motorcyclefor his eighteenth birthday.

Sirius-the man his father was so obviously cheating on his mother with.

“You.” Teddy stepped back as the situation finally dawned on him and he raised a shaking hand accusingly at his father- _Oh God!_ -his own father; Remus Lupin the bravest man he had ever known. “Y-you’re-why-”

“Teddy-” Remus tried again as he cautiously took another step forward but Teddy reeled back as if hit.

“No!” Teddy shouted as he stepped past the doorway, his hand still raised, “Don’t! How long? How long has this been going on?” It made no sense to Teddy, no sense at all for his dad to do this.

“Does mum know?” He finally asked and the guilt etched on his dad’s face was answer enough; he was just an ordinary man, no better than the others in this world- A cheat. A liar.

“Teddy, please-”

“No, dad.” Teddy interrupted as calmly as he could and saw Sirius stepping forward finally.

“Hey! Teddy, look-” Sirius began but Teddy interrupted, anger back within a second.

“Don’t talk to me! Don’t you _ever_ talk to me again!” Teddy shouted angrily before turning away and running upstairs to his room.

What was going to happen to his family now?

 

_~Their story began a long time ago, fourteen years before, maybe more when mistakes and confusion of young love wove complicated patterns within their hurt and loneliness and everybody just wanted to move forward.~_   


“Oh! Remus! Yes, _yes_! Oh!” Remus looked at the tears shining in Dora’s eyes and smiled as she waved her hand with the winking stone sitting on a finger that supposedly sealed their everlasting togetherness and happiness.

 _This is it?_ Somehow, Remus felt wrong, his insides coiled uncomfortably as he continued smiling but felt slightly doomed as the fireworks and sheer happiness at the prospect of spending the rest of his life with Dora did not come.

“I can’t wait to get home. Mum’s going to be so happy, she was worried, you know.” Dora looked at him sideways as she took hold of his hand, “And I didn’t even tell her about…you know?” Remus looked pointedly away from where she touched her still-flat stomach. This wasn’t supposed to have happened…

“That’s great.” He replied in a scratchy voice and cleared his throat. Dora gave him a blinding smile and led him to the train station.

It was in Andromeda Tonks’s eyes, something like mistrust, Remus was sure. He felt cold all over, as if she could read all his thoughts and know his doubts and some guilty secret that he denied over and over again.

“I-” Remus cleared his throat, feeling small in front of the woman with piercing eyes and strong features, “-I want to marry your daughter.” Dora stifled a laugh at his awkwardness and Remus unintentionally thought about how Sirius could probably have done this so much better before he viciously squashed the thought.

“Okay, dad, just stop trying to look all intimidating. You’re so old-fashioned.” Dora added at Remus fondly and he calmed down a little for a fraction of a second until Andromeda cleared her throat and they turned to look at her.

“Mum.” Dora said quietly, differently from the way she had talked to her father.

“Remus? I apologise. It’s just a bit sudden.” Andromeda told him politely, the scrutinizing look still in place, “I didn’t think it was so serious.” Remus had the sudden urge to laugh; she had no idea. He did something else instead and lied because it was the right thing to do.

“I love her, Mrs. Tonks.” He looked straight into her grey eyes and was so sure she could see right through him and he really could not do this-

Then he felt a small hand slip into his and turned to see Dora lean into his side as she smiled at him encouragingly before looking at her mother.

“Mum. I want this.” At that moment, with Dora’s strength covering his hand, Remus knew there was no getting out, honestly, because he did not see a reason to do so. Dora was a great girl…the young woman who was going to give him a chance to have a family again.

\--------------

Sirius saw him coming, walking with a suitcase behind three tourists with straw hats and he stopped pacing because Remus, his best friend, his only real friend now was here to meet him. He saw Remus searching for him and held up his hand. When Remus’s eyes settled on him, Sirius’s feet took him forward of their own accord because Remus, _Remus_ was here.

“Sirius. Sirius, I-” Sirius did not give a chance for any further words as he just pulled Remus into his arms and held onto his only living best friend. Remus held him back just as tight, breathing heavily as though he had run all the way from Cardiff just to see him after five years of serving Azkaban for a crime he did not even commit.

Sirius inhaled that clean scent so characteristic of Remus and he remembered, _God_ , he remembered that Remus was so much more than just his best friend, had been for such a long time, if he could just-

Remus pulled back, eyes bright and clutching his shoulder, then letting go as if not knowing what to do with his hands before letting out a laugh.

“God. It really is you.” Remus said as if to make sure that Sirius was not just an illusion. Sirius grinned, still somewhat tiredly but genuinely all the same. “I didn’t think-I’m so sorry.”

“Not your fault, Moony.” Sirius replied quietly at Remus’s heartfelt apology and the rush of meeting him faded away to something serious and silent.

Was Remus remembering those days before Azkaban-five years, two months and thirteen days-back when Sirius had pushed him away again and again? He felt Remus’s strong hand on his arm and looked at him again to see that familiar smile on his healthier but tired face.

“Come on, Padfoot.” Remus picked up his suitcase and stepped beside Sirius, “Let’s stop at my place, I’d like to get a little comfortable, if it’s alright.” He began walking first as if he wouldn’t honestly give a rat’s arse whether Sirius was alright with a little detour.

Sirius grinned at the way Remus walked straighter than he had at twenty, before his eyes travelled to take in the rest of him; he _really_ liked what he saw even more than he had once before.

When Remus paid the cabbie after much insistence from Sirius that he should be the one paying and ‘oh it wasn’t a problem’, Sirius turned to see a house-an actual house with un-trimmed bushes and the white picket fence. He raised an eyebrow quizzically. Something was off about this…

“Nice place.” Sirius commented as they entered the living room but there was something wrong about this, something really off. He immediately took in the floral curtain, the brown sofa set, the wallpaper…the three photo frames adorning the living room and his heart stuttered at the realisation.

“Padfoot, you can-”

“You’re living with somebody?” Sirius asked before he could stop himself and Remus paused and cleared his throat.

“Actually, I wouldn’t say that.” He replied quietly and bit his lip as he waited for Sirius to get the whole picture. Sirius’s eyes widened.

“You’re married.” He said, something between a statement and a question and in slight shock because, of all of them, they had never pictured Remus, boy-on-scholarship to have been married with a beautiful house and Sirius had always draped an arm around his shoulder, ready with a comment about how they could live the lives of the handsome bachelors together and the ladies and men swooning all over them as they partied till fifty years of age.

Well, that was not happening anytime soon.

“That’s-” Sirius searched for the right word as his heart continued squeezing painfully while everything sunk in second by second. “Great. Congratulations.” He plastered a smile which Remus returned with his own grimacing one.

“Bit late for that. But thanks.” Remus turned and motioned for him to follow. “Check the fridge; I’m sure there’s got to be something. I’ll be right back in a jiffy.” Sirius nodded but Remus had already left the kitchen. Sirius collapsed onto a chair and unconsciously rubbed at a spot over his chest.

Remus was married. Suddenly, life in London seemed like such a bleak prospect. But then he thought of all the people who would be around, like Harry, Remus and his wife, Professor Dumbledore no doubt and maybe some old friends. It was okay; he would be alright.

He had to be

\--------------

But even so, they properly met up- _finally!_ -when Sirius had somewhat settled down back in London in a flat of his own, there was nowhere else to go, he told Remus.

They talked of anything and everything, sometimes quiet which was new for Remus because Sirius had always been one for keeping up conversation before this. But Remus was itching to know how Sirius was free, what had happened and eventually, after meeting a third time most of the story had come out and Remus wished he had been able to have done something for his friend.

It had been something of a miracle, Sirius had seriously explained to him. A new lawyer had been on visit the day Sirius broke into a fight with another inmate-a relation of his somehow-and he had been hauled by an officer, talked to in strangely friendly manner for a change and the young lawyer had heard his story of being convicted wrongly for the arson attack on his best friend’s house that had taken his and his wife’s lives.

“Think it’s karma, Moony.” Sirius had said with a grim smile that had left his eyes dull and his cheeks had looked far too hollowed in the light as he had clutched a bottle of whiskey with his nimble fingers. “I always kept thinking I wish I could get out, wish something would happen. That they would all just go away and leave me the hell alone, y’know? And I got free. Everybody burned down but I got out and alive.”

He had laughed maniacally after that and Remus hadn’t said anything; Sirius was still battling his own demons, feeling the guilt of the purging of the entire Black line right down into the core of his being even though it had never been his fault. It had been shocking to find out that Regulus had run with the same high-functioning gang of robbers that Peter had. And James-barely a lawyer-had paid the price for trying to do the right thing.

It really was a miracle, Remus thought as Sirius related his story. The part when Sirius had shrugged at being manhandled and having to use his ‘pretty face’ to get his way, not always a consensual choice had made his chest ache pretty hard.

But it would get better, Remus agreed silently without voicing it out. Peter was rightfully serving his sentence and Sirius had finally decided to go the therapy route after seeing Harry’s living condition and he would get better as fast as possible to claim his custody. The glint in his eye had comforted Remus because it reminded him that not all of Sirius was lost.

\------------

Playing with children was actually kind of taxing, Sirius thought as he dropped ‘dead’ for the twenty-something time from an invisible bullet as Teddy fired the green gun with a _‘YAAAARR!’_ -something he had picked up from the superhero comic _‘Quibbler Town’_ \- and Harry came running around the sofa to ‘stab’ Sirius one last time with the light saber. Fun. He should have thought twice before buying that for the kid.

But he knew he wouldn’t. Barging into the Dursley’s house had done a whole lot of good; at least they let Harry visit whenever and whomever he wanted to. He was sure they were waiting as eagerly as him for some sort of custody transfer; another reason why he should get perfectly well before taking responsibility for James’s son. He would not rush into this.

Harry and Teddy had decided that they were tired and now wanted a break. _About time_ , Sirius thought as he sat up and rubbed the crick in his shoulder. Harry was violent for an eight year old and had been simply sword-fighting with Sirius.

Then Teddy came bounding to the living room and God, was the kid creative. He tied Sirius-the bad guy, of course-up with his mother’s scarves. Harry had looked proudly at his protégé as he had proceeded to ask Sirius where he was hiding the dragon egg.

“I want to ride it.” Was the first thing Teddy said properly to Sirius that day when Harry had fallen asleep in the afternoon. _What?_

“What?” Sirius asked out loud and Teddy, small and seven with a fringe too long had told him that he wanted to ride Sirius’s big, black, ‘cool’ motorcycle.

“It’s not for kids.” Sirius told him a little shortly and responsibly as he lazily tried gathering the scattered toys and colour pencils-Harry had wanted to draw dragons and Teddy had enthusiastically agreed-and gave up; household work was awfully dull and difficult.

“I ride a bicycle.” Teddy informed him as though he expected Sirius to clap him on the back and take him out for a ride right away.

“A bicycle is not the same thing as a _motor_ -cycle.” He explained patiently but lord, save him, because Teddy was an inquisitive child.

“Then why do they look the same, Mr. Black?” Teddy asked, a frown on his face as if Sirius was lying just to get rid of him and he had the urge to bang his head on the nearest wall with the family photos. He honestly had no proper answer for a child though.

“Because they’re cycles.” He answered and prayed that Teddy would just leave it alone and go to sleep. He yawned. Good.

“I still want to go.” He told Sirius when the man settled on the sofa between Teddy and a sleeping Harry. “I won’t tell dad, promise.” Sirius was about to reply when Teddy scooted closer and laid his head on Sirius’s leg and he stared down at the brown hair splayed on his thigh.

“Teddy.” Sirius said in an even voice and the boy yawned again.

“I’ll give you Snuffles, if you take me.” He told Sirius sleepily and the man blinked because he must have misheard.

“Sorry? Snuffles?” He asked to make sure and Teddy nodded against his leg before turning his head slightly to look up at him.

“He’s my wolf, he’s upstairs.” Sirius couldn’t help smiling at the boy and laid a hand on his head as he stroked the soft hair.

“I’ll take you, and it’ll be our little secret, Teddy bear.” He whispered, emotion threatening to burst his heart open when the boy’s breathing had evened out and Harry too, curled closer to him, seeking warmth.

\----------------

Parents, Sirius had decided a long time ago, were overwhelming. Or simply the bane of existence. Or just over protective in Remus’s case. It was not as if Teddy would hunt down a corkscrew, somehow manage to understand its mechanism and pour himself an unhealthy amount of drink. Kids his age understood the taste of chocolate, not wine or whiskey or anything that was not milkshake. And yet a third glass of Coca-Cola was exactly what Sirius had to satisfy himself with.

Sirius strangely found himself drawn to the eight year old Teddy. Or it may have been something to do with the fact that the small boy was held up in Remus’s arms-wasn’t he too old for that?- their cheeks flush from the birthday events and wide, genuine smiles as they posed for a picture with Dora in front of the cake and the Weasley twins photo bombed the lovely family picture. He didn’t hold back the grin at their antics or when Harry tried to act responsible and pushed the twins away.

“Not your kind of party, is it?” Somebody asked from beside him and he turned to see Andromeda Tonks with a content expression. He shrugged.

“I don’t have much of a type. This is probably the first birthday party like this I’ve been to. Know what I mean?” He saw the understanding dawn in Andromeda’s eyes and she nodded with a small smile. “But yes, a little alcohol never did anybody any harm.” He commented with a sly look and Andromeda narrowed her eyes before giving in.

“Oh, alright then. Come on in.” She turned to go inside the house and Sirius followed with a victorious grin. They entered the neat kitchen and escaped the noise outside as the door shut. Sirius sighed exaggeratedly.

“Peace. Finally.” He commented as Andromeda procured two glasses and poured them beer of all things. She placed them on the table.

“Don’t give me that look. It’s what they have.” Sirius took a gulp and leaned back in his chair as they finished their drink and poured some again. They had formed a strange sort of friendship born from understanding over the past two years.

Slips about family, siblings who had fallen in with the wrong people, leaving home, falling in love with somebody not acceptable had eventually led to full stories and Sirius had found a friend in Andromeda. Kindred spirits, Remus called them.

“Must be nice. All that; daughter, grandchild, the whole package.” Sirius added when Andromeda had raised an eyebrow but something about the comment had her expression falling before she dropped her eyes to the table.

“I’m glad things worked out.” She finally replied and Sirius looked questioningly at her. She sighed.

“When Remus first married her, I wasn’t sure.” She gulped down some more beer, “I was worried, that he did not really love her. I mean, they were so young. And Teddy was born… sooner than expected.” She paused and Sirius digested all the information, he hadn’t yet had much of a chance to talk to Remus about his marriage or anything for that matter; his therapy sessions and Remus’s teaching job had not left much room for casual hangouts.

“But he loves Teddy. I don’t think you have anything to be worried about.” Sirius told her as he looked at her beautiful face framed by dark hair with streaks of silver scattered stylishly.

“I know.” Andromeda looked up, all traces of weakness gone and she gathered up their glasses, “Come on, they’ll wondering where we went to.” Sirius pushed away from the table.

“Why, to the sassiest brothel of course.” Andromeda stifled a laugh and Sirius continued airily as they made their way outside. “To pick us some of the best men in town.”

“Don’t let Ted hear you saying that.” Andromeda rolled her eyes, “He’s getting self-conscious these days.”

“Old age will do that to you, m’dear.” Sirius got a swat in the arm for that.

  
\----------------

There was a time when they were just hitting their late twenties, Sirius would travel a lot, to plenty of places and write to Remus without leaving out any detail. Whenever Remus would find the photos attached to the letter showing Sirius’s infectious grin, an uncontrollable smile would form on his face even before he realised.

He would, from time to time, end up sorting through the pictures and the letters to remind him that Sirius, bright, _wonderful_ Sirius was truly still a part of his life. There was one letter from Sirius’s time in Paris where the ink had smudged and faded over the years more than the others.

_“P.S. I saw somebody who looked just like you. No joke! Thought it might have been you but you would never wear green, would you? You should though._

He had laughed at Sirius’s message, he never could let go about the green, always insisting that the colour would look quite _fetching_ on Remus. He never understood why, maybe it was the magic of Paris described in there, the golden feeling of the Louvre or just the simple fact that Sirius had been thinking of him miles away from London. It always made his heart beat just a fraction faster before he willed it away.

\----------------

Being in France, Paris to be exact, in the Louvre Museum on his own was a whole other adventure, to be honest. Sirius jostled along with the crowd near the ‘Mona Lisa’ to try and get a snapshot or two with it which turned out to be nearly an impossible task but he managed with a tourist, a young woman in blue who couldn’t quite get all of the painting in the photo but Sirius thanked her heartily anyway.

He pushed his way out of the throng and did not care to stop until he reached the quieter sections and could finally relax. In between the murmur of people, the displays of history and art even though he had never been a fanatic of art, was where he had stood, stared entranced and then stolen a short sweet week with a boy at the Louvre.

The young man-André-looked flushed as out-of-the-closet, young boys faced with flirtation from a good-looking man were wont to do and Sirius had smiled; that he could still evoke such a reaction after serving prison was good for his ego.

André was possibly the very good part of Sirius’s tour in Paris. He talked with bright eyes as he showed Sirius around, moving hands animatedly-he had really nice hands-and mixing up some French with his accented English when he wanted to emphasize the specialty of something.

It wasn’t like Sirius had meant to spend more than a night with the boy but the easy company and chilled wine had comfort seeping into him and one thing lead to another until Sirius found himself being led by André to a quaint little restaurant for breakfast the next day.

André clicked snapshots of him with particularly good directions and later stole a cigarette from Sirius’s pack as they had curled up in Sirius’s luxurious bed in the hotel after dinner as he talked about Isaac-a genius in his year who did not even know of André’s existence-with a light in his green eyes that Sirius recognized from a time when James had been alive and in love with Lily. It brought back the ache in his own heart and they spent the night talking about Isaac and Remus.

Sirius carefully placed a photo of him and André, matching grins on their faces as they had strategically stood with the Eiffel Tower behind them while another tourist snapped a picture. But right before he sealed the envelope, he looked at his arm draped around the smaller man’s shoulder, his brown hair glinting and being exceptionally doubtful when it came to Remus, took out that particular photo and sealed the letter to be posted at Remus’s address.

“Talk to him.” Sirius advised in a spur of the moment as he hitched up his travel bag and André looked quizzical. “Isaac. Talk to him. If he doesn’t see you, then you go and make him see you.”

“Sirius.” André’s mouth turned down, “I don’t want to be _just_ friends with him. And there is no way we could…” He shrugged and smiled again, “You need to leave or you will miss your flight.” Sirius looked at him, young and completely infatuated and most of all, having a chance so he placed a hand on his shoulder.

“You’ll never know unless you try, it may be the best thing ever.”

“Or the-the most bad thing ever.” André replied dejectedly.

“Or not!” Sirius persisted doggedly as he thought of the way Remus looked at him when drunk on alcohol and friendship and having to hold back because he had been too late to see it, “Just try. It’s better than never knowing, isn’t it?” André gave him an intense look as if he could read Sirius’s inner thoughts before replying slowly.

“Then why don’t _you_ try, Sirius?” Sirius looked down at the earnest expression and smiled crookedly.

“Because you have a chance. Don’t let it go the way I did.” Sirius knew he had convinced André with those words. He smiled genuinely and pulled the boy into a hug as he thought of how to say that he wanted to know what happened to him and Isaac without sounding strange but André saved him from it.

“Keep in contact, Sirius, please.” André pulled back and placed a light peck on his stubbled cheek, “I don’t have many friends who know.” Sirius grinned and nodded as he pulled back.

“Yeah, you too. Don’t forget the old man.” André laughed before punching him lightly on the arm.

“How can I forget such a sexy old man?” Sirius waggled his eyebrows and they laughed a little again before André pushed him lightly, “Go! You will miss your flight.” Sirius checked his watch and sure saw that he needed to leave right now.

“Alright then. Au revoir.”

“See you again, Englishman.” André replied and waved. Sirius turned and walked away but not before turning back and walking backwards while waving at André and resulting in bumping against an old, white-haired lady whom he somehow managed to grab just in time. The resulting blush on her face had him chuckling even when he was fastening his seat belt.

\----------------

“How come you and Remus don’t have any guy time?” Harry asked when he was ten and a half. Sirius snorted at the boy’s words as he poured himself a cup of coffee and set Harry’s mug with its sugary milk in front of the boy.

“Because we’re old people and have jobs. I saw that.” He said loudly when Harry rolled his eyes.

“I don’t know, Sirius. Traveling the world isn’t exactly a job, is it?” Sirius sighed and then sat down.

“You, m’boy, think far too much. Is uncle Moony rubbing off on you?” He asked, only half-joking. Harry shrugged.

“Not exactly.” He replied in a slightly small voice, “Uncle Vernon always said-”

“ _Uncle Vernon_ was never right about much, was he?” Sirius interrupted with a hard glint in his eye. Really, only punching the man had been a merciful move on his part. If only Sirius could have recovered faster, if only the law-the _bloody_ law-hadn’t taken years to reach a decision, Harry would probably have been able to have a more normal life.

“Yeah.” Harry cheered up, “But still, I think I want to do something when I grow up.” Sirius listened interestedly as Harry pushed around his cereal. “Like Tonks or somebody.” Sirius ignored the flare of jealousy that had become a constant over the years, but lately much more. But he grudgingly admitted to himself that Harry would probably be suited to a life of real work rather than that of a trust-fund baby.

What? Sirius liked his life...most of the time. But maybe Harry’s idea was not such a bad one.

\----------------

“Here we are, Padfoot, here we are.” Remus managed somehow as he laid down on the soft couch and dropped his empty glass on the carpet.

“Careful.” Sirius told him in what was actually a slightly stern voice, “I like that glass.” Remus snorted, vision bright as he saw the fluorescent lights multiply above him.

“S’not like it’s diamond.” He replied as smartly as one, inebriated as him could. Sirius suppressed the urge to laugh as he picked up the crystal glass-it was a part of a set he had brought back from a trip to Austria-and placed it on one of the side tables.

“I wouldn’t worry so much then. Diamonds don’t break easily, remember?” He told Remus and came to stand before his friend as he remained sprawled on his most comfortable couch that was the result of much love and use and abuse of his and Harry’s.

“What’s up with you, Moony?” He asked finally, the question he had been wanting to ask since Remus had called out of the blue and made plans. Without wife. Without Teddy.

That obviously did not happen. Ever. Sirius was actually concerned.

“Nothing.” Remus replied as he avoided Sirius’s gaze and turned to look at the telly that was switched off, “Where’s that remote? D’you think we’ll win the world cup this year?” Sirius narrowed his eyes as Remus made an attempt to look for the contraption under his head.

“Remus. Stop!” Sirius snapped loudly and Remus looked up at him, wide-eyed and God, no; he had no right to look at him like that. Sirius ignored the way it did something to his heart and focused on his friend’s unusual condition.

“This isn’t like you, Remus. Hell, you don’t even care about cricket.” He added and crossed his arms on his chest as he glowered down at Remus. “Now tell me what’s wrong.” Remus looked at him for a second before turning away with a scoff.

“When did you become like this?” He muttered as he rubbed a hand across his forehead and Sirius lowered his hands.

“Okay, look. Sorry. I am. I’m just trying to help, alright?” Sirius added but his temper flared again when Remus huffed in annoyance. “Remus!”

“What?” Remus shot back as he managed to stand up and staggered a step forward before adjusting himself, “I don’t want to talk, Sirius.” He threw his hands up as much he could as his voice continued rising, “I don’t bloody want to talk! I don’t want to bloody talk about what a mistake my life is! I want a break, I don’t want this! I need a-”

He broke off and the desolation on his features melted all of Sirius’s anger. He stepped forward and reached out a comforting hand all the while reminding himself that he was not the kind of person who took advantage of vulnerable friends. _Attractive_ , vulnerable friends.

“Hey. Hey, there, Moony. It’s-” However, before Sirius could say ‘okay’, Remus had stepped forward and sort of collapsed as if out of drive and energy. His head dropped onto Sirius’s shoulder and Sirius reminded himself yet again to keep his hands to himself.

“Sirius.” Okay, so maybe a hand on the shoulder was not so bad, right? And Remus wasn’t exactly light weight but Sirius placed an arm around his neck in an awkward headlock like embrace.

“I love him, Sirius. I love Teddy, he’s such a miracle. Always has been.” Remus was talking now; he sounded so miserable. “But I-I’m lucky, aren’t I?”

“Yeah. Sure, you are.” Sirius replied in a placating manner; this was so difficult, how had his therapist dealt with him for month after month?

“Then why don’t I feel like it?” Remus pulled back, eyes shining, forehead creased with those lines he had had since nineteen-one of the finer things his father had passed down on to him, Sirius had always thought-“Why do I keep thinking …of-”

He broke off and Sirius felt the heat rise around them as Remus placed an errant hand on his hip, possibly by mistake but just for a second, something passed between them-a look, a spike of lust and something more…like longing.

Sirius swallowed as he looked at Remus’s expressions warring on his face and his eyes widened in realisation. This was bad, this was so _very_ bad. He could _hear_ their hearts beat or was that his own one, thundering in his ears like that?

If not before, he certainly was tempted now. To become a person who broke marriages.

“Moony?” Sirius whispered loudly to break the tension as he placed a steady hand around Remus, “Think you need some sleep.” The slightly glazed look passed from Remus’s eyes and his hand tightened on Sirius’s hip once before letting go.

“Yeah. Think so.” He stepped back to retrieve his coat, “Sorry, dunno what’s wrong with me.” He laughed a bit harshly.

“Don’t be, Moony.” Sirius told him genuinely as his heart slowed down and he felt something like regret at lost chance. “What are friends for?”

  
\----------------

They began spending more time after that and whether it was because Remus needed company or some other force working to throw them together, Sirius was equally thrilled and scared of it all. _Don’t mess it up. Just don’t._ He kept telling himself like a mantra on these days. Sometimes it was the pub, sometimes just a quick dash for coffee on Tuesdays when Remus had an hour free between classes.

Today they were going to watch a game in Sirius’s house after a long time and he was terrified of all that he could probably not keep himself from doing. Harry and Teddy were off to Hogwarts at this time and Dora was busy pulling an all-nighter at the station. Surprise.

“Room service, Moony-moo-what are you doing?” Sirius asked from the doorway as Remus stood in front of his bed holding something that looked like-

“Is that my album?” Sirius asked quietly, slightly angrily; Remus knew that Sirius did _not_ like his things touched, more so after Azkaban. “Why are you-” He stopped when Remus held up one particular photo from his Paris trip and he swallowed before placing the beer bottles and the plate of sandwiches on his dressing table.

“Boyfriend?” Remus asked neutrally as if he was simply curious but Sirius could detect the hint of jealousy there and almost smiled before answering.

“Friend of mine.” He replied easily and tugged the photo out of Remus’s hand or at least tried to, “What the-give it back here, Remus.”

“Why? I’m just looking.” Remus told him, “At your _friend_.” He added with a sneer that had Sirius raising an eyebrow.

“What’s that supposed to mean? André is-”

“Oh! So pretty boy has a name?” Remus commented with a laugh that did not sound amused at all and Sirius scowled at him.

“Pretty boy? Since when do you find boys ‘pretty’, Moony?” The question had Remus clenching his jaw so hard that Sirius was afraid he might break something but not so surprisingly, he was not finished yet.

“So that’s your type?” Remus asked angrily as he waved the picture of André kissing Sirius’s cheek in a mocking manner in a park. “Pretty. _Little_. Twink? He probably doesn’t have much of brains to go with that-” Remus could keep going but Sirius had just about had enough and years’ worth of frustration broke like a dam.

“No! Stop taking out your problems on somebody you don’t even know.” He shouted and advanced on Remus without thinking twice as some emotion that had been building up in him was done being suppressed all the time; he was done thinking all the bloody time.

“You want to know? D’you really want to know what my _type_ is, Remus? Do you?” He was so close to Remus’s face, he could see the brown eyes widening, could see his lips parting in surprise and he grabbed the collar of Remus’s blue tee.

“Sirius?” Remus whispered agonizingly but Sirius pulled him hard, their chests crashed together and Sirius loved every second of that bone-rattling pain.

“Shut up. Just. Shut. Up!” Sirius whispered harshly before leaning in and finally, _finally_ kissing him. It was everything, everything people wrote songs about and died over because in that second the world vanished, the air sizzled, butterflies wreaked havoc in his stomach and he knew that this was what he had been waiting for, what he had been looking for at odd times from strangers.

Remus made a strange, needy sound that could barely be heard and Sirius immediately cupped the back of his head and parted enough to lick the seam of his lips and press an open-mouthed kiss to his best-friend and the man he had loved for more than ten years of his life. When their tongues touched, Sirius knew it was right, there was nothing wrong because if Remus could sound like _that_ , then he was doing something right and then he stopped thinking as Remus snaked his arms around his neck and arched up into their embrace.

And then a shrill ring from Remus’s phone caused them to break apart.

Sirius saw the lust-ridden look clearing away as reality crashed down and Remus stepped away to answer his phone but something in Sirius, the part of him that did not ask questions before had him pulling out the phone from Remus’s grip, switching it off and flinging it on to a corner of his bed.

“Sirius!” Remus cried out but the dark-haired man knew there was one thing to do now, and that was not letting Remus go. Not now, because if he did, if they moved apart any more, this would be it. So he took Remus’s face in his hands and forced him to look, really look.

“No. Not now, Moony.” And with that he kissed him hungrily again but there was an urgency with that phone call now, thrumming in his veins, he needed Remus, he needed to touch, to feel him…taste him. He almost slammed Remus into the closest wall in his haste and bit and nibbled his lips until he was afraid that they would bleed. The way Remus clutched at his shoulders then was all the coaxing he needed.

Remus made a stuttering exclamation of surprise when Sirius pulled his tee upwards and bowed down to press his lips against the dip of his collarbone and traveling lower, kissing every patch of skin as he went along, and lower until…

“Sirius, you can’t be…” But Sirius had dropped to his knees and unbuttoned the slacks that fell easily and pooled around Remus’s ankles. He glanced up to see Remus, eyes shining in anticipation and the urge to run away from it because of what it would mean for them and firmly cupped the back of his pale thighs as he leaned forward and inhaled his masculine scent through the material of his pants. Then slowly, ever so slowly he tugged it down to free Remus’s erection and touched his lips to the head.

Remus’s head fell back against the wall with a dull thud as soon as Sirius’s tongue was on him, teasing him, sucking him, using a hundred wonderful tricks he had picked up from various people. Sirius concentrated on getting Remus off even as his own neglected cock was straining against his trousers.

He had wondered, thought and fantasised about this moment- if it would come at all- so much and now it was nothing at all as he had imagined. There was no slowness to their act; only tight grips on hair and flesh and desperate, keening moans coupled with their harsh breathing and _SiriusSiriusgodSirius_ falling from Remus’s reddened lips.

Their completion came sooner than expected as Sirius felt the hit of salty taste of Remus on his tongue, down his throat and the warmth had him coming at the same time with a final purse of lips around Remus’s member as his hands grasped his thighs tightly for support, nails digging into the pale flesh.

Sirius pulled back and exhaustedly leaned his head against Remus’s bare belly, no lust or urgency, just the hum of silence and their ragged breathing as they came down from their orgasm.

He pulled Remus’s trouser and pants up in a heartfelt moment of adoration and wrapped his arms around the small of Remus’s back and nuzzled the soft hair on his belly, wanting to stay this way so as to avoid seeing the disappointment on Remus’s face but his knees protested against the cold floor and he let go of Remus as he stood up.

“Remus.” He called as the other man immediately tugged down his tee and was turning away. Sirius jerked him back by his arm, “Stop for a second, Remus. Just listen to me.” Remus looked at him with a wild expression as he pulled his arm out of his grasp before answering.

“There’s nothing to hear, Sirius. I-shit!” He grabbed a fistful of his own hair as he stepped back, tortured, guilty. “I’m married, and I just got off with my male best friend.” Sirius bit his lip and stepped forward cautiously, grimacing as he felt the aftermath of the orgasm in his trouser.

“Remus. Moony, look, just sit for a bit, alright.” Remus shook his head and headed towards the bed to retrieve his phone. Sirius’s heart skipped a beat; Remus could not leave, he would run away and avoid him for the next seven years or longer if he could; he knew Remus.

“Wait! Just wait, Moony.” Sirius walked swiftly up to Remus and wrapped a hand around a bicep and pulled him close, “Please. Just don’t rush anything. I-I’ve waited for this for such a long time…” He didn’t continue when Remus looked into his eyes and then looked down again before sitting down on the edge of the bed. He ran a hand over his face and kept his head bowed low, as if the weight of their actions was like a thousand pound boulder on his heart and shoulders.

“Hey.” Sirius said softly and knelt in front of Remus, ignoring his own discomfort, “Look, just stay for a bit-”

“I can’t do that.” Remus immediately protested but Sirius squeezed his hand and placed a finger on his lip.

“Not for long, just the night.” Sirius licked his lip in nervousness, “Just take some time to sort things out-” Remus glared at him then.

“I don’t need to sort myself out, Sirius. This is stupid; I’m going home.” Sirius pushed him back down even before he had stood up and held his face between his hands.

“Stop! Okay? I’m just trying to help here, Moony. What do you think will happen if you go home like this now?” Sirius paused before continuing as he slowly rubbed behind Remus’s ears, “You’ll get angry, and mad just like you are now and you’ll take it out on Dora later and then you’ll feel terrible for that.” Remus looked at him, expression softening before closing his eyes. He opened his eyes again with a small smile.

“I love it when you get all responsible and mature.” He told Sirius and placed a hand on one of Sirius’s that was resting against the side of his face, making his heart skip a beat again. “Thanks for that, I don’t know what I’d have done, you’re right.” Sirius grinned despite the situation.

“Did you just say that? Can I have that in writing?” Remus chuckled lightly before looking at Sirius and his entire expression shifted to one of something that Sirius was tempted and afraid to label as ‘love’. He had to go slow, that was the way with Remus so he leaned forward and pressed a light kiss on his lips.

“Hey, give me a minute. You settle down, I’ve got clothes in there. I’ll just be right back.” He left Remus on his bed to give him a much needed space and closed the door to the bathroom with a heavy sigh.

He looked at the mirror and saw the glowing smile and knew that he was well on his way to becoming the man who was ready to break another’s marriage but for the moment he kept the guilt at bay.

_~However, the truth doesn’t fail to come out in the end and just like that, a small shard of hope and love affair occurring in the secrecy of meetings at pubs and their empty houses were out in the open for all to judge.~_   


Sirius chewed the inside of his cheeks in an attempt to escape Harry’s stare but after half-a-minute of doing just that, it just got painful and so he turned to his godson.

“What?” He asked, knowing full well what this was most likely about; Harry and Teddy were far too good of friends.

“What?” Harry echoed angrily as he slammed his hands on the table and raised his voice, “Don’t take that tone with me, Sirius. I’m not a child!” _Good God_ , the kid could shout. His words continued ringing around the house and Sirius closed his eyes, a little exasperatedly; teenagers were a handful.

“Alright. Fine, what do you want me to say?” He snapped yet again, looking squarely at Harry, fear of rejection and possibility of acceptance battling inside him. Harry glared at him.

“Are you and Remus together?” There it was, the dreaded question but Sirius wanted to just get it over with and so decided to stop being such a coward.

“Yeah.” He said quietly and as the silence thickened around them, he licked his lips and cleared his throat. “Is that all?” Harry looked angry but at least he wasn’t seething now.

“No.” He replied finally, “How long?”

“A while. Almost a year now.” Sirius added and Harry looked like he was thinking which was actually a good thing since he seemed to have calmed down but even so, Sirius needed to know.

“Harry? Is it…are you alright with it?” Harry looked up at him and opened his mouth twice before actually speaking.

“Sirius-” He seemed to think how to best come out and say it, “-Remus is married and-and Teddy’s my godson.” Sirius didn’t bother nodding because every word of what he had just said was true. Harry sat down with a sigh.

“You always kept saying that you weren’t the settling down type so I thought, maybe that’s why there was nobody but this-” Harry looked torn as if he didn’t know if he should say more and Sirius leaned forward in his chair.

“Say it, Harry. Whatever it is.” Sirius gave a derisive laugh, “One secret’s already too many.” Harry gave a small smile at that.

“It’s just; don’t hate me for saying this but, after all these years, so suddenly.” Harry cleared his throat uncomfortably, “Are you sure it’s not just…not finding the right woman or something. Not that I have a problem with you being with a man or anything.”

“Or anything?” They shared a small smile, “Thanks for that, Harry. But no, it’s not some sort of mid-life crisis. I-” He paused and looked down at the table. How much was Harry ready to listen to and handle? He had to try though, didn’t he?

“I-I know it was wrong. An affair is never alright, especially when it’s someone so close to all of us but-” He looked straight at Harry, trying to make him understand, trying to make him see what he had gone through. “-I’ve loved him a long time, Harry-” Harry stood up and took his half-full plate with him to the sink. Sirius clenched his fist over his knee and refused to be affected but it didn’t work completely.

“Look, Sirius.” Harry turned to face him once his dish was toweled dry and stacked, “Teddy’s my friend and I-” He looked at Sirius, “-I need a little time. Alright?” Sirius understood, he really did but that did not make it hurt any less, especially not when Harry left telling him not to stay up too long.

The torn expressions on Harry’s face had been the worst part of the day to be honest and knowing that he was the one to be blamed for those just made him feel like such a complete failure. If only James and Lily were alive, they would have known what to do.

\----------------

Remus knocked on Teddy’s door with his free hand as he balanced the tray with the other only to be greeted by silence. Just as he had expected, but it still hurt.

 _Give it time, Remus._ Teddy would come around, wouldn’t he?

“Teddy?” Remus tried once more before giving up and making his way down the stairs through the living room and into the kitchen where he placed the tray with Teddy’s uneaten dinner on the dining table.

He heard the familiar screech of tyres as a car rounded outside, faint notes of loud music, a pause and the slam of the door at which he still shut his eyes even after eight years. The door rattled as the keys turned into the lock and Remus’s throat tightened at the creek of the door-hinge that followed. He heard the careful closing of the door and the heavy footsteps that had always been uncharacteristic of someone as small as Dora. His wife stopped in the doorway of the kitchen.

“Hey.” She greeted tiredly and trudged inside with the air of one who had done the work of twenty hours of arresting juveniles, paperwork, calling etcetera etcetera all in eight plus one hour of the day.

“Dinner’s here, I’ll just heat it up.” Remus replied in an attempt to be polite, avoiding her eyes as he picked up Teddy’s untouched tray and shoved it inside the microwave a little aggressively. He could feel Dora’s gaze on him as silence reigned in the small space except for the tinkering of dishes and spoons.

“Is everything okay?” Dora finally asked and a jolt of anger spiked through Remus’s entire being. The timer went off and he opened the door of the open microwave harder than necessary and pulled out the plate.

“Why? Why would you ask me that?” Remus placed the plate on the table in front of Dora, uncharacteristic anger all over his face, “What now? I can’t be a good husband once in a while? Civil? Normal?” Immediately Dora’s expression fired up.

“I never even said that, Remus. What is _wrong_ with you?” She sounded annoyed, and rightfully so but somehow that got under Remus’s skin and he turned away from her.

“You didn’t have to; it was implied.” He replied and Dora threw up her hands in frustration.

“You know what? I don’t have time for this. I’m tired.” She said loudly before pushing away from the table and stalking out of the kitchen. Remus looked at her retreating back in disbelief.

“What about dinner?” He called after her.

“Went out for drinks.” Dora shouted back from the living room and Remus held his breath until he heard her footsteps fading up the stairs.

He sighed heavily. _Drinks._ Yeah, sure.

Dora’s words echoed inside his head, _“I don’t have time for this. I’m tired.”_

_So am I, Dora, so am I._

\----------------

Teddy waved his friend off and wrapped his arms around himself to wade off the chill of the night. He felt better than he had in ages; it was good catching up with his old friends when he was away from Hogwarts. Now, to just find a taxi somewhere.

 _No helping it._ He’d have to walk to the main street.

He saw it when he hailed down a cabbie who refused to take a youngster home at this time- because _of course_ , Teddy was just waiting to axe-murder the old man-and his insides went cold and it had nothing to do with the weather.

Mute, in shock, he saw his mother, laughing and walking with her arm draped around another man-a man too muscular with a flaming mane visible even in the night lights…an all too familiar man.

_“Does Dad know?”_ He imagined going up to his mother and asking.

_Is this revenge? How long has this been going on?_

But enough was enough and Teddy turned and walked away and broke into a run, all good feelings drowned in numbing pain. He finally managed to hail down a taxi and went home.

But _home_ had just lost all its meaning now. When Teddy brushed past his father unseeingly and collapsed onto his bed, he wished he could just make things right again.

_Everything has gone wrong. Everything._ Teddy tried to fight the tears as he fell asleep, feeling like all of seventy years old in his fourteen-he looked at the clock-now fifteen-year old body.

  
\----------------

Teddy slammed the door as he stormed off, fists clenched with the full intention of punching the first surface he could find…or anybody unfortunate to cross his path.

_“We need to talk, Teddy.”_

He had to leave. Now.

_“Your father and I-”_

He didn’t know where he would go, possibly at Edward’s, he would always help his best friend-

_“-think it’s for the best.”_

All Teddy knew was that he had to go away because this place, this, _their_ life was falling apart.

_“-a divorce.”_

He ignored his mother calling him to just _comebackplease_ as he strode away from the neighborhood. He needed to leave. Anywhere but here.

Worst fucking birthday present ever.

  
\----------------

“Remus.” Remus turned towards the source of the voice at the doorway of the kitchen to see Dora still in her pyjamas, eyes bloodshot and circled like his own in worry. When he did not say anything, her shoulders drooped even lower and she raised a hand to cover her eyes.

“Where is he? I can’t believe we-” Remus knew exactly how she felt, his own guilt and fear threatened to envelope him but he knew that Dora was for once close to losing her own calm and he could just not add to that. He did the only thing he knew to do.

“Hey, come on.” He walked up to her and reached out to touch her hand and the resulting contact sent them both looking at each other in shock. It had been so long…Remus directed her gently towards the dining table where a fresh mug of black coffee sat. Dora looked at the beverage and reached out as Remus took his own seat opposite to her.

“Thanks for being here.” Dora said in a scratchy voice and cleared her throat. Remus shook his head.

“Don’t thank me. I’m the reason we’re even in this situation. If I had just-” But Dora interrupted before he could continue.

“Stop that, Remus. You were trying your best, given his attitude.” She took another sip of the bitter coffee, “I didn’t even notice anything and I’m also part of the reason we’re in this situation.” Remus nodded but it did not make him feel any better.

To think that their one act of selfishness had now sent their son running who-knew-where, with whom. The lack of response from him was maddening and had Remus pacing and running his hands through his hair every half-an-hour of the three days Teddy had gone missing. Why couldn’t he have just gone to Edward’s and be done with it?

“What do we do though?” Remus finally asked and Dora looked up.

“I’m thinking if we should file a missing person’s report.” She replied and Remus smiled a little at her talking like a civilian instead of a police officer. “It’s not like him to just disappear.” Remus shrugged a little.

“Well, this isn’t exactly an ordinary situation is it?” Remus told her when his phone rang shrilly and he checked to see Sirius’s name on it. Ignoring the little jig his heart did, he rejected the call and turned to face Dora again; some things were more important than his feelings.

“It’s okay to answer, you know.” Dora said softly and suddenly laughed a little brokenly which surprised Remus. “What are we doing, Remus?”

“I don’t know.” He whispered honestly and silence surrounded them before Dora decided to break it by getting up from her seat.

“I don’t know exactly where we went wrong, Remus but I’m not leaving Teddy like this.” She said in a tone that had Remus narrowing his eyes; just when he had thought they were going to be okay…but then, was there ever going to be an ‘alright’ for them again?

“He’s my son too, Dora.” He told her so his intentions were loud and clear, “I’m going to make things right.”

And he would start with Sirius.

  
\----------------

It was coming, Sirius had known for a while; Remus would not choose between him and Teddy and Sirius would not even make him.

Frankly, he hated himself a little for being so considerate when his own heart felt like it had been thrown against walls, bruised and put back inside his chest. But then, this was Remus, the same Remus who was now sporting a blank expression to hide his own feelings, Sirius was sure because he had to be feeling this as intensely as he was…right?

“You do know that Teddy’s punishing you, right? Not just both of you; all of us.” He added and Remus turned away. “He’s good at this, I’ll give you that.” Remus cleared his throat.

“I’ll get going now.” He said quietly and Sirius wanted to reach out and hold him just a little to tell him that he was here, he could lean on him but he knew that if he went anywhere close to Remus now, their resolve would break and he couldn’t bring himself to do that to Remus so he nodded. Distance was good, it was the only way.

Remus strode off towards the door and opened it. Sirius was waiting for him to leave so he could nurse his God-damned broken heart with alcohol like some middle-aged man with a few children and a failing business to worry about when Remus turned around.

He looked like he wanted to say something and Sirius stared at him, waiting for a word of goodbye, anything really. They could not just end like this with cold looks and calm voices; like strangers. Sirius couldn’t let twenty five years of friendship and so much more reduce to this. He took a step forward and decided to say it.

“It doesn’t have to be like this, Moony.” Remus seemed to have expected it and nodded.

“We’ll still be friends though.” He replied, of all the clichéd things to say. “Maybe later, some day. But for now…” He shook his head and brushed his fringe away, a movement that that was not lost on Sirius as he remembered being the one always doing it for him.

“Why us?” He asked hoarsely and for a second Remus’s composure broke and Sirius saw his own anguish reflected before he turned his gaze away and slipped through the door and left but not without replying.

“It’s always been us, Padfoot.”

Sirius closed the door slowly and went directly to his room.

When Harry returned in the evening, he made himself a sandwich and pretended not to hear the angry sounding roar and heavy punches against the wall as long as he was awake. It was little too hard for all of them.

\----------------

Teddy took in the scene apprehensively as he saw exactly what ‘ _The Shack’_ , Archie had been talking about. He saw boys he didn’t know puff out smoke like drunkards before taking more hits; one of them-a blond-fell over laughing for absolutely no reason.

“Great, isn’t it?” Archie asked from beside him with a grin that Teddy could not return. He could not do this, not _this_ , no matter how much he was hurting.

He knew better and yet when he looked at the blond still laughing before swatting his friend and taking another hit and Archie’s encouraging words as he directed him towards one of the beds and sat down, pulling Teddy beside him as he kept talking and rolling a joint, Rory-finally someone else he knew-joined them as he settled on the floor and Archie lit the joint, then inhaled with an expression as if it was a heavenly delicacy before exhaling right into their faces, Teddy was lost in the overwhelming smoke, wheezy laughter and promises of a much better day than the days before this.

So he grinned and tugged the joint; and let himself taste mindless happiness for a short time.

It was quite late when Teddy woke up and found himself sprawled half on top of Rory and someone else’s leg a dead weight against his chest. He pushed at the limbs and somehow escaped that little cage of bodies only to blink at the number of people in the room wide awake and possibly engaging in more illicit activities.

He saw a flash of something and the resulting alarm in his subconscious had him walking towards the group, curious yet afraid at the same time. He saw two people measuring out something that he didn’t actually know and holding up lighters.

Then he saw the blond boy pushing a needle into his pale arm and he gasped before getting attacked by a fit of coughs. He swallowed; his throat was so dry.

Teddy sat back down on the bed and tried to clear his head, it was a little hard to do so with the buzz of words and noises. It had been a mistake, he thought as the full weight of where he was sunk in; asking Archie for help in the first place had been such a mistake, he really should have just gone to Edward’s.

The smell of sweat and drugs permeated his nose and he had never felt so vulnerable; he just wanted to go back home. To mum. To dad. Harry. Even Sirius. And strangely, he just wanted to cry properly, let it go…he wanted a friend.

“Hey.” A groggy voice broke Teddy out of his thoughts and he turned to see Archie yawning widely before looking at him, “What’s up, man?”

“I’m leaving.” Teddy told him and stood up. As if Teddy’s words were a shrill alarm, Archie jumped up to a sitting position and grabbed him by the sleeve.

“Hey, hey. Calm down, Teds. I thought you’d be glad to be here.” He looked worried and Teddy was slightly touched at his concern.

“I was. Kind of.” He decided to reply truthfully, “It’s just not what I want to get into, I guess. But thanks a lot, I mean it.” Archie nodded and bit his lip before scooting closer to him.

“You better be grateful.” He said sulkily, “I went to a whole lot of trouble. We aren’t supposed to let anybody other than us in here.” Teddy understood the meaning of that; he was an outsider within this little group.

“Alright then, I guess I’ll-” But before Teddy could say ‘see you later’, the door burst open and a panicked looking boy with cornrows halted with a girl right behind him.

“They’re coming.” He shouted and Teddy cast a confused glance as the rest of the people froze. He decided to break the ominous silence.

“What’s wrong? Who’s-” He stopped shortly as everybody moved as one to look at him and suddenly the atmosphere chilled at their expression. The blond boy from earlier broke out from the group and stalked forward.

“You.” He hissed and Teddy frowned, “You did this. You called them.” Teddy fought the urge to roll his eyes and instead focused on the group as a whole.

“Look, I have no clue what you’re talking ab-”An incoming siren drowned the rest of his words at the same time the blond rushed at him. In a split second, Teddy staggered backwards as pain erupted upwards from his rib cage where the boy had drove his fist. A girl screamed and everybody leapt up from their broken chairs and the moth-eaten linen they had been sitting on.

Teddy coughed and threw a punch at the blond as adrenaline flowed through him but he knew he could not get away, not when others joined in and it became a struggle like no other for him as shouts of _‘stop’_ and cussing mixed with the physical blows to his back and head as he too kept up a constant stream of kicking whoever he could.

Then his right shin exploded in pain and he cried out before falling fast, backwards on to the floor of the shack. There was the rush of activity as some made a run for the door, others grabbed every last evidence of drug and cutlery to bag them with shouts of instructions.

Somebody was cradling his head calling his name-was that Rory?-and somebody was arguing right over him and as the siren grew louder and everybody was in a mad rush…too much, too much ringing in his ears and Teddy passed out, aching for the soft feel of his mother’s hand as somebody continued whispering that it would be okay, he would be fine.

  
\----------------

They were engaged in a staring contest-Sirius and Harry while the stew boiled over the stove.

“I’m not going back to Hogwarts unless I know Teddy’s alright.” Harry repeated for the nineteenth time that day and Sirius growled.

“You were supposed to have been at Hogwarts two days back, Harry.”

“I want to know if Teddy-”

“Teddy’s fine, okay.” Sirius snapped, “People get arrested all the time for stupid things, okay? He’s a kid, like you. It’s completely normal.” A frown came across Harry’s face.

“He was hurt, Sirius.” He replied slowly, “He’s in the hospital, Sirius.” Sirius blinked at him because…

“You didn’t know?” Harry asked as he put the pieces together and Sirius was busy remembering his conversation with a cold Andromeda on the phone:

_I just thought you’d like to know, we found Teddy. He’s back._ Is he alright. A pause. _Sure, he’ll be fine. Goodbye, Sirius._ Bye. A very long pause and Sirius decided to ask. How’s Re-the dialing tone ended the call.

The spike of anger had Sirius clenching his jaw, Remus probably did not even know that Sirius hadn’t been informed, he would just think that Sirius didn’t care enough anymore about Teddy now that they had broken up. He scoffed inwardly at the petty phrase; those words did not even begin to sum up the severing of his and Remus’s relationship.

“So what are we waiting for?” Sirius asked Harry as he strode up to the door and grabbed his keys from the hook and looked back to see Harry staring wide-eyed at him. “What?”

“You want to see him? I thought-”

“That I don’t care enough about Teddy? That it was all Remus?” Harry’s lack of response made him scoff, “Great, kid. Good to know how well you think of me.” Harry had the right to look ashamed.

“I’m sorry, Sirius-”

“’S okay.” Sirius interrupted gruffly, “Let’s go.”

Once they were inside the hospital and directed to Teddy’s ward, Harry dutifully coaxed Dora to take a break with him at the cafeteria and Sirius slipped inside. He saw Teddy’s head wrapped in white, a black eye marking his pale face as he sleepily looked towards the door.

“You’re back fast-you!” Teddy immediately reached out to press the bell as Sirius closed the door and motioned for him to be quiet as he placed the latest chapter of _‘Quibbler Town._

“Stop it, Teddy. I just want to talk, okay?” He said and Teddy reluctantly released the bell but did not relax as he etched a permanent scowl just for Sirius.

“What do you want? Dad’s at the university today.” He informed, crossing his arms and Sirius held back a smile.

“Come on Teddy Bear, I just wanted to know how you’re doing. Is it so hard to believe that?” Sirius asked lightly but Teddy’s stony expression didn’t flicker.

“Sure it is. And don’t call me that.” He replied, “Well, I’m fine. You’ve seen me. Now you can go.” Sirius frowned at his attitude.

“Okay, seriously. Can you just stop trying to make me sound like the enemy here?” He waved a hand and Teddy turned away as his expression changed.

“No, I can’t. I can’t do that, Sirius. You know why?” He looked at him and Sirius saw the angry tears gathered in his brown eyes. “Because I loved you; you were like my best friend and you just- you and dad both.” He looked away and Sirius ignored the sniffling in favour of looking down at his own hand. He hadn’t tried seeing it from Teddy’s perspective, not once and to think of how his actions were bearing down on both Harry and Teddy.

_God_ , he was an arse! Of the worst kind.

Then Teddy whispered brokenly to him to do the one thing, the _right_ thing that could save all of them. Except himself.

“Is that what you want, Teddy? Because if it is, I’ll do it.” _For you. For Remus._ He waited for Teddy to take his words back but the teenager continued looking away with reddened eyes.

“I do.” He replied and Sirius nodded as he swallowed the lump in his throat before bending over and pressing a light kiss to the teenager’s hair.

“Get well, Teddy bear.” He walked out the door, like a ghost as he had come in, hopes shattered into crystalline shards that cut too deep into his battered heart and Teddy did not call him back.

_“Just go, Sirius. Please. Please, just let my parents be. Don’t break us up. Please.”_

\----------------

Remus rubbed the hand on his shoulder and smiled tiredly at his wife as Teddy breathed normally for the first time in two days.

“Harry was here.” Dora told him and he was tempted to ask about Sirius but since she didn’t mention him, he got his answer. But even so, he had always been somewhat of a masochist where emotions were concerned.

“Just him? What about Teddy’s friends?” He asked, keeping his voice neutral but he sensed that Dora knew just what he was asking; they had been together for too long.

“Just him.” Dora confirmed softly. “Archie has yet to be bailed out.” Remus nodded and looked at his sleeping son. He reached out and touched his hair, cool from the air condition before he turned to look at Dora, her hair limp from the overnight stay and tension, still so very pretty and unable to stir his interest.

“What happened to us, Dora?” He asked within the soft hum of hospital and the dimmed lights. She didn’t answer immediately, instead pausing to make sure that the sheet covered Teddy and patting the pillow before she came beside him and looked down with a soft gaze.

“We were good, Dora. We were so good.” Remus found himself saying, trying to justify his actions and feelings or rather, his lack of feelings to himself and to her. “What went wrong?”

“We changed, Remus.” She told him and he looked up to see the oddly maternal expression on her face before she continued, “I changed. I don’t think you did.” He could not stand to see the look, akin to pity on her face because somewhere deep down, he had always known he had wanted Sirius, had shoved the thoughts away, had tried not to dwell on them since he was seventeen. So he reached out and wrapped his arms around her waist as he rested his head against her stomach.

“I’m sorry.” He found himself whispering, “I’m sorry I couldn’t do better.” He felt her small hand carding through his hair.

“It’s okay.” She told him in a thick voice, “We’ll do it right this time. For Teddy.” Remus nodded against her. _For Teddy_ , it was all for Teddy.

Teddy opened his eyes just a fraction and the sight of his parents holding each other in silent tears after such a long time, reunited over his pain sent an aching arrow to his heart. But it was okay, it was all okay.

Their family was back together.

_~For them, it had always been about making the right choices that left them feeling miserable. This was probably when it had all started but neither of them were ready to acknowledge the true meaning of racing hearts and uncontrolled blushes around each other and so they laughed it away like the invincible teenagers they were.~_   


“You’re kidding, right?” Sirius asked James in a skeptical tone. His best friend just adjusted his glasses and grinned.

“What, Black? Scared of finding out what you really want?” He waggled his stupid eyebrows and Sirius turned to face Remus who had already schooled his features to his stoic one.

“Well. What are you waiting for, Remus?” Sirius asked in his cocky, self-assured voice and Remus shook his head with a smile.

“If it’s a kiss you want, Black, a kiss it shall be.” He replied with a small smirk causing Peter to guffaw and James to fall over laughing. Sirius raised an elegant eyebrow and sighed dramatically.

“You should be a little more excited, Remus. To be able to experience a masterful kiss from the legendary Sirius Black.”

“Is that right? One does not simply become a legendary kisser by talking.” Remus replied before leaning just a little, “I’ll decide whether your kissing skills are legendary or not, thank you.” Sirius let out a bark of laughter before scooting closer to Remus near the fireplace.

“Pucker up, smart-guy.” Even as he leaned in and was just a centimeter away from Remus’s smile, he didn’t think that _this_ right here would be when his entire world would turn around, that he would be forced to discover a whole new side of him-a side that was not entirely welcome. And then he kissed Remus with whole intention of snogging the lights out of him because that was just how he was.

It was barely a touch of lips when Sirius felt the spark, the gasp against his lips mirroring his own one that was lost in the crackle of the fire, everything just sort of muted out and nothing was more important than the connection of their lips. His tongue pushed against Remus’s surprised lips and they parted effortlessly. In that moment, Sirius first felt the desire to feel another man’s body against his and he would never return to his old self after this.

The sound of James clearing his throat had them breaking apart, breathing a little too heavily and avoiding each other’s gazes too apprehensively for it to be normal.

“Well, that was certainly a show.” James commented with a clap on Sirius’s shoulder and the black-haired boy forced out a laugh.

“Couldn’t let the audience walk away without it, now could I?” He commented airily, his insides churning at what he had felt. “Right, Remus?” He looked at his friend who had gone quiet and stood up abruptly.

“I’m going to go to bed, it’s been a long night.” He said quietly and started upstairs toward their dorm. James raised an eyebrow at Sirius before calling Remus.

“You okay, mate?” Remus replied in an affirmative and James let it go but Sirius found himself watching Remus until he disappeared through the door.

He touched his lips discreetly; what the hell had just happened?

It was more than a week later that Sirius walked in long strides towards the common room, hair billowing, shoes thudding with every step. This had to stop, the awkwardness between him and Remus ever since that _stupid_ dare because of _stupid_ James just had to stop. And he had had the nerve to come asking what the hell was up with him and Moony. _Git._

He entered the room and spotted Remus curled on a couch, his long legs sticking out over the armrest as he lost himself inside the glossy pages of the magazine, concentration etched on his face. He immediately made his way over and towered over him. Remus blinked at the shadow before moving his gaze towards Sirius’s face above him.

“Yes?” He asked normally and Sirius glared at him.

“What’s so interesting about the _book_?” Remus turned it around to show Sirius a page of questions and columns. His demeanour changed as he forgot his previous anger and he grinned.

“Are you reading _‘Skeeter Weekly’_? Oh! Oh, this, everybody needs to know.” Sirius laughed exuberantly as Remus tried to quiet him down with a ‘shush!’.

“I’m not reading it, it’s Lily’s.” As if that made it so much better. “I was just taking this personality quiz, it’s interesting even if a bit nonsensical.” He told him nonchalantly, as though his reputation as a man was not at stake. Sirius knelt down to get a better look as curiosity overcame him.

“What’s this? What animal are you?” He gave a sideways glance at Remus, “You’re not serious, are you?”

“I’m a wolf actually.” Remus told him and pointed towards the bottom of the page before thrusting the magazine at Sirius who took it gingerly. “You should check it out, quite insightful.”

“Sexy.” He commented as he turned a page back to start the quiz. “I want to be a wolf. God! Hope I don’t turn out to be a fish or something.” He shuddered a little but then caught the amused look Remus was giving him.

“I thought you weren’t serious about this. It’s Skeeter.” He reminded Sirius who waved the comment away before reading the questions. To his surprise, they actually caught his attention and he kept forgetting what he had come for in the first place. He paused at question eight and wrote his answers down so he would not have to redo the quiz again. Not that he cared. At all.

“Why have you been avoiding me?” He asked, breaking Remus out of their companionable silence. Remus raised a brow and smiling quirkily at him before sighing and forcing himself to sit up with a grunt.

“Sirius, you do know it’s the other way round. I’m not the one who’s avoiding you.” Sirius frowned at him and was about to snap when he realised that what Remus had said might actually have some truth to it.

Him changing his seat to the one beside Marilyn Jacobs instead of Remus, busying himself with Quidditch practice more than James himself, finding something or the other to do when alone with Remus…okay, so he was the one doing the avoiding.

“Alright, fine.” He replied sulkily, “But that doesn’t mean you let me avoid you. What kind of a friend are you, Remus?”

“A good one.” Remus replied immediately with a smile before getting serious again, “Look, if it’s about the kiss-” He paused and looked around before lowering his voice, “-it was a dare, Sirius. Just like all other dares, what’s making this so different?” Sirius ran a hand through his hair.

“Because, Remus, we’ve never had to kiss one of us before. Isn’t it-don’t you find it-” He tried to put his thoughts into words but when he couldn’t, he settled for the obvious, “-weird? I mean, we’re both boys.” Remus surprisingly rolled his eyes.

“Sirius Black, scared of something new? This is the day.” Sirius flicked him lightly on the face and Remus moved away. “Come on, Sirius. Okay, will you stop freaking out if I agreed that you were indeed legendary?” Sirius looked at him with wide eyes when suddenly Remus burst out laughing.

“Oh, Sirius! Your face!” He continued laughing and Sirius found himself joining in before he lightly punched Remus’s arm.

“Don’t you go acting like you don’t mean that.” He told him in a tone of mock warning as relief flooded through him for no apparent reason. Remus placed a hand on his heart.

“Believe me, sir. I do not lie.” He replied in a haughty, posh accent that had them laughing again and Sirius was glad, so glad that Remus seemed to be just fine even if something was so obviously wrong with him because why else would he be looking at Remus’s light hair and want to touch it, maybe hold his head down while-he shook his head.

“Hey, Remus. Just to be sure, we’re okay, right? He asked in an uncharacteristic moment of vulnerability which Remus seemed to sense and sobered up before smiling gently.

“Of course we’re okay, Sirius. It’s us, isn’t it?”

Ten minutes later James and Peter were being hauled and mauled by an aggravated Sirius who was muttering about colours and hobbies and _bloody effing_ dogs. Remus smiled in amusement as Peter’s bed curtains tore.

“A dog? Cute. _Real_ cute. What do you think of the name Snuffles?” He had managed to dodge the flying history text rather well, he thought.

  
_~It’s never too late to make things right and it is very much possible for even the youngest of children to do so, if only with the aid of a good heart and soul._   


Teddy warmed his fingers over his mug of chocolate milk as his mother murmured something over the toaster and his father folded up the newspaper; it was good to be back home for Christmas.

He had met Harry once, visited Fred and George’s shop and bought something called a ‘dungbomb’-he shuddered at the reminder of how horrible his clothes had smelled when it exploded-and finally met Victoire as she returned from Beauxbatons for Christmas. His cheeks warmed a little at the thought of her.

But the pleasant thoughts vanished as soon as they had come. The absence of both Sirius and Charlie in the family dinner at the Weasleys had left a gaping hole even if nobody had said anything. It was in the air, the slightly stilted conversation, the absence of joviality and most of all, the bark of Sirius’s laugh and Mrs. Weasley’s reprimand over Charlie’s new earring or tattoo.

Teddy tried not to see it; his parents were trying so hard, they really were but the downward set of his mother’s usually laughing mouth, the streaks of gray speckling his father’s brown hair, their darkened eyes and yet, they constantly tried to keep up the stream of normal conversation, of Hogwarts, of Dora’s job, anything that skipped the incidents that took place during Easter holidays.

Suddenly, the sound of breaking glass had the family startled and Remus immediately stood up, his mouth drawn into a thin line. Teddy was ready to follow him outside when Remus placed a hand on his shoulder.

“No. I’ll deal with this, you finish your breakfast.” He said with a smile before his expression changed and he swiftly made his way out of the kitchen. Teddy looked at his mother for an explanation but she smiled at him and asked if he wanted more bread with the omelette. Something was not right, if his parents’ silence was anything to go by and he looked around when his eyes fell upon his father’s chair.

“Oh! Dad forgot his scarf.” He stood up and tugged it from the back of the chair. Dora whirled around.

“Teddy! Don’t go, your father will be back in a minute.” Teddy raised an eyebrow, a trick he had been trying to learn from Sirius for a long time and found that it actually looked quite good on him. Alright, so maybe he had been checking the mirror more often after his growth spurt this year.

“What’s the deal, mum? I’ll just give dad a hand, alright.” He was about to leave when he felt his mother’s hand on his arm and a dejected look on her face.

“Teddy, I can’t stop you, but you might not like what’s out there.” It was the way she said it that Teddy knew he had to go, be with his father, make sure that he was okay. So he ran out of the kitchen, dashed through the door and onto the lawn to find his father on his knees as he cleaned up the broken shards from under the window. His eyes traveled up and above his father’s head and they widened as a single word stood out in yellow paint on the white wall.

He clenched his fists as a flare of anger ran through him but then he saw the miserable expression on his father’s face and stalked up to him. Remus inhaled sharply as Teddy wrapped the scarf around his neck and squatted down beside him, wordlessly tugging the gloves open from Remus’s hands and covering his own with them before resuming the task of picking up the glass pieces.

“Teddy?” Remus whispered and he kept his gaze lowered as tears stung the back of his eyes; his father sounded so old and broken at his age. He gathered all of the broken glass and discarded them into the trash can before taking off the gloves and turned to see that Remus had already stood up.

He was looking at Teddy with so much emotion, unlike the days before when he had kept up his calm, cool appearance. Teddy walked up to his father and looked directly at him; he had almost reached his height, gangly as he had become.

“It’s not the first time, is it?” Teddy asked and Remus closed his eyes as if in pain. “Who did this, dad?”

“Some boys from the neighbourhood, possibly people who know my students.” Remus gave a grim smile, “Don’t concern yourself with this, Teddy. People will say what they want.”

It was the hopeless look on his father’s face that had Teddy reaching around his father and viciously smearing the paint on the wall so that _‘FAGGOT’_ turned to a bright smudge beside the overgrown Ivy before he pulled him into an embrace.

“I care, dad. I care, and it’s not okay for people to do this to you.” Teddy said thickly and he held back the urge to bawl quite gallantly which was exactly what they needed, Teddy realised as Remus’s arms enveloped him in a warm hug and the older man sobbed into his hair, repeating his name over and over again as if God had just answered all his prayers.

There was just one more thing to do.

___\---------------_ _ _   


Sirius’s knee jiggled and he restlessly ran a hand through his hair that had grown past his neck within the last few months as he waited for Teddy to show up outside the Weasley’s house. It still felt like a dream, all of today.

From the moment he had been woken up with what was unmistakably Teddy’s voice on the phone, to the conversation, to the direct flight from Istanbul and now waiting on his thrumming motorcycle even as he was jet-lagged.

Sirius almost did not recognize Teddy as he jogged over to him, wrapped in a maroon coat, taller than the last time he saw him. They grinned at each other and Sirius was taken by further surprise when Teddy threw his arms around him.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything, Sirius. If only I hadn’t been such a selfish-”

“Whoa! Wait a second, Teddy.” Sirius interrupted as he pulled out of the embrace and scrutinised the remorseful expression on Teddy’s face that had started to get angular. “What’s up with the apologizing? Didn’t you do enough of that over the phone?” Teddy smiled sheepishly as he stepped back.

“I guess I’m just kinda happy to see you.” He replied before placing a hand on Sirius’s motorcycle, “I missed you.” He added cheekily at the vehicle and Sirius ruffled the boy’s hair and his eyebrows shot up.

“No way, Teddy bear, your parents let you do _that_?” He asked tugging at a strand of blue and Teddy grinned.

“Yeah, well. They’ve been a bit forgiving about a lot of things lately. Besides, it’s not a crime to look good.” Sirius stared at him in amazement and his eyes softened. Hardly nine months back had their friendship seemed to be doomed forever and now here they were, catching up like always, even better. But there was a bigger reason why Sirius was here.

“Teddy, where’s-where is he? Where’s Remus?” Sirius asked, a little cautiously and Teddy looked at him warily.

“You don’t have to get this way, you know. I told you I’m fine with this. I want dad and mum to be happy, Sirius.” Teddy admitted, “It’s why I called you guys.”

“’You guys?’” Sirius repeated and Teddy nodded.

“Charlie too. He’s in there.” He motioned towards the house behind him and turned to Sirius. “I told dad that Christmas dinner at the Weasley’s was cancelled.” Sirius was about to ask why but he saw the determined set of the fifteen-year old and couldn’t help but be strangely proud of the way he was trying to set things right in his own way. He really was Remus’s son.

“Thanks, Teddy bear.” He said before ruffling the dyed-blue hair. “Just a sec, I’ve got your present here-” He extracted something round from behind his motorcycle and handed it to Teddy who stared at the brand new helmet in his hand, eyes and mouth wide in a comical expression.

“The motorcycle’s for when you’re legal; consider this a promise.” Sirius was actually glad to see the ecstatic look on the young boy’s face as he whooped and thumped Sirius on the back.

“You’re the best, man. You’re the coolest, awesome uncle ever! Now go get him!” Sirius didn’t need telling twice and he revved up the engine to take back Remus, once and for all.

Teddy calmed down as Sirius left and stared at the helmet happily when he noticed the _‘T.R.L’_ engraved at the back and smiled softly. He heard footsteps behind him and recognised Harry from a distance; no one else had hair like that.

“What’s up with you?” Teddy asked normally when Harry reached but remained silent as he scuffed his shoe against the snow before looking at him intently.

“Are you okay, Teddy? Charlie’s in there confessing and there’s a whole lotta drama going on.” Teddy smiled grimly, still slightly unsure of what he was doing. This matchmaking shit was hurting his head! Ugh!

“And you?” He asked Harry carelessly, “Don’t tell me you’ve gone gay and want to confess to me or something.”

“How’d you know about that?” Teddy’s head snapped in alarm as he looked at Harry’s serious face. “I only told Hermione about it.” No! No, no, just… _No!_ Then he saw the grin breaking across Harry’s face before he laughed out and Teddy scowled at him before deciding that, _that_ was just not funny and bent to scoop up a snowball.

“You’re an arse, Potter!” He shouted and threw the ball which got Harry’s ear loudly. Good.

“Yeah, love you too, kid.” Harry shouted back at him and readied a snowball. “Here’s a Christmas present for you!”

\--------------

The sounds of carols slowly faded away around Remus and the few stragglers hurried past him as he stared at the large, decorated tree in the neighbourhood, a gift by some charitable people of the church. His fingers wrapped around the postcard in his pocket and he turned away to go home to an empty house. He found that he could not ask either Teddy or Dora to change their plans for him; he had faced the consequences of enough selfishness for a lifetime.

He saw the dark silhouette from a distance in front of his house and squinted to make out who it was. As he neared and a familiar hum of engine reached his ears, his heart stopped for a second before starting off a thousand metre race.

_Maybe it’s a friend of Teddy’s_ , he thought desperately as his legs felt shaky but he could not stop himself from advancing, from making sure that this stranger was really just a stranger…

They stared at one another, questions and facts rushing through Remus’s head as he drank in the sight of Sirius, gorgeous in a fitted new jacket; his hair was longer, his face darker, possibly tanned, the cut of his cheekbones looking better than ever and then-

“Can we go inside? It’s kinda cold out here.” Sirius stated and Remus mechanically moved to open the door, hands shaking all the while as Sirius stood close to him but not intimate in anyway. It didn’t stop Remus from imagining the heat of his body or from wanting to simply turn around and pull him in for a kiss by that dark, long hair. He finally managed to get the door open and stumbled inside. He fumbled for the light switch and gulped when Sirius followed normally and waited for him to close the door.

“Go on in, I’ll be there.” Remus said, voice hoarse from disuse. Sirius looked at him intently before nodding and disappearing inside. Remus exhaled as he tried to compose himself. Why was Sirius here? He was supposed to have been gone; away from him, from his family.

He entered, calmly to find Sirius lounging on the sofa, taking up most of the space as he always had whenever he sat anywhere and Remus’s eyes inadvertently ran up the line of his long legs encased in dark jeans and up to the intricate belt buckle visible beneath the jacket now that it was unzipped.

“Moony?” Remus started and looked away, discreetly trying to adjust his collar; the heater had surely not been working so well until Sirius had shown up.

“Sirius. How are you?” He asked politely as he took a seat on the sofa opposite to Sirius’s, the farthest that was possible in the small living room and ignored the frown on Sirius’s face at this arrangement. He could not risk going near Sirius, not after months of his absence and restraint on his own part to give in to thoughts of Sirius.

“Remus, I think the more important question is, ‘how are _you_.” Sirius stated calmly and something about that ticked Remus off.

“Okay. You know what, let’s just get to it.” He said as he stood up and crossed his arms defensively. “Why are you here, Sirius?” Sirius tilted his head in response and gave a slow smile that had previously gotten Remus pushing him against any flat surface within seconds. That was when they had been together. He chased away the errant thoughts.

“You do know you’re not helping, looking like that? You always were sexy when you got mad.” Sirius told him but then sat straighter when Remus’s eyes took on a dangerous look. “Teddy called me.” Remus’s arms dropped to his sides; of all the answered he had expected, this was not one.

“Wha-but-Teddy? He called you?” Remus asked skeptically and Sirius pushed himself up from the sofa as he approached Remus.

“I know. Believe me, I was shocked as hell.” He looked at Remus and raised his hand but then thought better of it. “He said he wanted you guys to be happy.” He told Remus softly.

Remus closed his eyes as he remembered Teddy, adamant and uncharacteristically uncomfortable as he had repeated that Remus should be home today, that he had a _present_ for his dad that needed Remus to be home today.

_“I don’t need any other present, Teddy. I’m honestly glad that we’re okay.” He said, looking at his son, his hair a bright turquoise in the morning light._

_“Dad.” Teddy shifted on his foot, “I think you’ll find that you probably _need_ this one.” Remus looked at him quizzically._

_“Whatever do you mean, Teddy?” He asked, genuinely curious but his son shook his head and suddenly clasped his hand._

_“Dad. Dad, please. Don’t hate me if I’m making a mistake.” He said and Remus placed an assuring hand on his head._

_“Teddy! I’d never hate you, you hear me? Never.” He told him and made sure that Teddy knew it too by the tone of his voice. It seemed to work as Teddy relaxed and smiled tightly at him before slapping himself on the forehead because he was getting late to Edward’s and parted._

“Remus?” Sirius called softly and the brown-haired man opened his eyes to find Sirius standing close to him, a vulnerable expression on his face that no doubt matched his own.

“What’s happened to you, Moony? I thought I was doing you a favour by leaving.” He reached out and ghosted his fingers along Remus’s face where the bones seemed to be sticking out just a little too much.

“I-Sirius-” He backed away until his back hit the wall and his hands curled at his sides; he could not go down this road. There was no happy ending to have had. “You have to go.”

“No.” Sirius answered, loud and clear as he stepped into Remus’s personal space in a flash. “No.” He repeated and then lowered a hand to slip it between Remus’s shaking left hand.

“We both know what an utter martyr you can be.” He raised their joined hands up to his lips and pressed a kiss to his knuckles that lasted longer than a second. “I was an idiot for leaving in the first place. And after Teddy went through all the trouble, you don’t be an idiot too, Remus.”

Remus laughed nervously as his heart beat frantically against his ribcage. Could it be so easy? Could it _really_ be as simple as leaning forward and taking what he wanted to? Was this just a hallucination of some kind; a Christmas ghost perhaps?

“Stop it, Moony. It’s real.” Sirius chided him before leaning forward and resting his forehead against Remus’s as he whispered fervently. “I _love_ you. God, I love you so much, don’t you know?”

Remus felt both of Sirius’s hands coming to wrap around him and he gave in, he finally- _dear God!_ -gave in and let Sirius kiss him. Unlike last time, unlike any other time in fact, Sirius took his time and slowly explored Remus’s mouth but Remus pulled away and reached up to hold Sirius’s face in his hands.

“You-just-just let me look at you, Sirius.” He said, voice thick and full of emotion as he carded his fingers through Sirius’s hair. Sirius closed his eyes before opening them and Remus inhaled sharply at the heat and promise in them.

He himself felt the weight of their situation, alone in his house for a long time to come, not frightened of anybody checking up or calling on them, not afraid of anything for the moment. He removed Sirius’s hand from his side and immediately entwined it with his own.

“Not here. I want this, I really do. But not here.” He saw Sirius understand what he meant and as if some kind of a chain restraining him had been broken inside, Sirius’s expression turned predatory and he licked his lips before turning a gaze full of heat on him, so hot that Remus almost shivered. He tugged him urgently towards his room and was attacked by Sirius’s hands at the doorway as they pushed the jacket and cardigan out of their way.

When they fell against his bed, Remus on top of Sirius, he looked down at Sirius, still in his gray tee, his gorgeous hair inky against his white sheets and Remus shuddered from the sheer possessiveness and exhilaration coursing through him, as if something wild wanted to break free from within him.

Sirius trailed his fingers up his arm, pushing the sleeve of his shirt up with a slow smile. “Don’t wait, Moony. Let it out, just let it out.”

After that everything became a series of sounds and uninhibited noises as they shucked their clothes to feel the other’s hot, bare skin sliding against their own. None of them cared much for talking but Remus was sure he had constantly kept up some stream of compliments as he had looked at Sirius-beautiful Sirius with his beautiful hair and strong hands-and touched him everywhere with no inhibitions.

When Sirius-bitten and marked countless times-had wrapped his legs around Remus, urged him, he had grabbed Sirius by the hair at his nape, tight in his fist as he came inside the strong, bloody _gorgeous_ body beneath him with a loud cry that echoed in his own ears along with his heartbeat and Sirius had found his release with a drawn out shout.

“Awesomest Christmas ever.” Sirius told Remus, blissfully fucked and looking like it when Remus returned after securing the house. He smiled quirkily at him.

“Awesomest is not a word, Padfoot.” Sirius mumbled a ‘whatever’ as he pulled Remus on to the bed and draped his long limbs over him. Remus had never thought that all that weight would be so welcome.

“What’s keeping you up, Moons?” Sirius asked after some time and Remus snapped out of his thoughts before lightly grazing his fingers against Sirius’s arm at his waist.

“I’m just not sure still, I guess, if this is some kind of a dream or what.” He admitted, feeling a bit silly saying something like this at his age but Sirius didn’t laugh, only hummed.

“’S what they call a Christmas miracle, I guess.” He tightened his arm before nuzzling against his hair. Remus nodded.

“I guess I’ll call it whatever it is after I wake up to this.” He replied and heard the light huff of laugh before he felt Sirius shift away and he prodded Remus with his fingers.

“Look at me. Fine. Be that way.” Sirius huffed and Remus rolled to face Sirius, the sheets creasing.

“What is it now?” Sirius flicked him on the cheek and he pretended to move away. “Stop that.” Sirius sobered up as a smile lit his face.

“You worry too much, you know.” He told Remus and reached out a hand which, somehow, Remus’s hand found halfway between them and let them entangle on their own.

“I have to, Padfoot. You know that, after everything…I can’t help it.” But Sirius continued smiling before replying.

“Don’t you know, Moony? It’s us, it’s always been. For a long time now.” Remus stared at him and then felt his face break into a smile as he pressed a watery kiss to Sirius’s cheek when he missed. They laughed whole-heartedly before Sirius yawned and decided that sleeping was more important; they could get up to ‘mischief’ in the morning, he said with a leer.

Remus settled, spooned against Sirius again, content and covered in Sirius’s skin and scent…he realised that Sirius was saying something against his shoulder as he was about to turn the lamp off.

“I’m trying to sleep here, Sirius.” He said with a yawn of his own; Sirius was so excitable even before sleep. And he had been surprised that his inner animal was a dog?

“-gave him a helmet, Moony. Think it was a bit stupid. Don’t kill me.” Remus raised an eyebrow at the table beside him.

“Gave who a helmet, Sirius?” He asked evenly and Sirius mumbled against his skin. “Stop that, I can’t hear you.”

“Teddy.” Sirius told him and Remus closed his eyes in exasperation, “He was so happy though, you should have seen him. But a helmet without a motorcycle, d’you think it was a bit cheap or something of me?” Remus’s eyes shot open.

“That’s what you’re worried about?” He would have shaken his head but settled for planning on some kind of sweet torture in the morning, “You do realise that he’s going to want to ride that death trap now, don’t you?” Sirius’s cheeky laugh told him that something was not right, that there was something being kept from him but Sirius patted his head in an elderly fashion.

“Oh, you don’t have to worry about _that_ , Moony. Honest.”

“Wut? Sirius?” Remus asked, sleep threatening to overtake him and Sirius squeezed his arm gently.

“Tell you later, love. Sleep now.” Remus was drifting by the time Sirius had finished kissing his hair but he didn’t miss the endearment and fell asleep, half-murmuring ‘yes, love’ in return.

  
~The End~


End file.
